Well, I always wanted to be a Kardashian...

I have taken my provera and drum roll please....had a period!  I declared war on my uterus and there was blood shed.  NOW drumming my fingers waiting on ole Laverne and Shirley. I have been paying special attention to any twinges of pain in the area of L&S, watching my cervical mucus, and doing ovulation tests everyday. The verdict? I don't think I have ovulated. Which means I could be beginning another journey of period-less doom.

So here is the plan:  I'm due to set sail on a 7 day cruise on Saturday.  If my period is going to return to "normal" 28 day schedule I should start while on the cruise. I'm just going to enjoy myself and deal with the outcome when I get home. If I am not blessed with the presence of a period on my little vaca, I will talk with my doctor and hopefully have some blood drawn to evaluate my hormone status and an ultra sound to see what L&S are up to. 

In the mean time I have been reading the most informative book ever.

SO if you are reading this blog, and you have two boobs and a vagina...BUY THIS BOOK.  There is so much you don't know about yourself!  This book educates on the basics of the female reproductive system and gives the guidelines for tracking your ovulation.  You can then either follow the "Fertility Awareness Method" and practice natural birth control. (Which is what I will be doing when need be-because man made birth control is evil spawn of a female Satan-and I'm pretty passionate about that statement.)  OR you can use the "Fertility Awareness Method" and do your best to make a baby.  

If I have another period ever, I will start the "Fertility Awareness Method" (FAM) and chart my temperatures and other such symptoms so I can be totally aware of what is happening with my reproductive system. As a result, I can be a more credible advocate for myself when meeting with my doctor and support my claims of annovulation (absence of ovulation).  Don't I sound smarter already?

In other news, Khloe Kardashian Odom has begun fertility treatments.  Bless her heart. I know how awkward and sensitive I feel when people ask when Josh and I are going to have a baby. I cannot imagine having the tabloids speculate and gossip about it too.  I have always related to Khloe the most since the beginning of my Kardashian love affair-proud viewer since episode numero uno!  She has a tough exterior, but is truly sensitive and has a huge heart.  She doesn't flinch to drop the F bomb and is so in love with her husband. As Kris Humphries puts it; she is "so down for her man."  I can SO relate to my favorite Kardashian,  love her! (I am a Khlover, as her fans are called)  So now I am finger crossing that she shares as much of her infertility situation  as she can, I would soak up every piece of information. 

I would so drop a big F bomb here for KK, but HHBH will read this someday. Censored!

So until I have more to say...Peace, Love, and effin Khloe Kardashian, bitch.

Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated!

No change in the date of my LMP (last menstrual period)  However, I am slowly but surely spreading the word that the absence of menstruation is not due to stress. Go ahead, tell me I'm stressed....we will clear that up real quick. Okay?

So instead of dreaming up new and one of a kind baby names I have switched it up a little and named my ovaries. Everyone I'd like you to meet Laverne and Shirley.  Give us any chance we'll take it, read us any rule we'll break it, we're gonna make our dreams come true. Doin' it our way!
 
In response to Laverne and Shirley's lack of productivity, I called my doctor's office.  Provera please!
Education opportunity: Medroxyprogesterone is a type of female hormone (progestin). This medication is similar to the progesterone that your body naturally makes and is given to replace the hormone when your body is not making enough of it. The medication can be used to restore normal menstrual periods in women who have stopped having them for several months. Hey! I fit the bill. After taking my 5 mg for 10 days, I should have started or will start a period. This a bucket of cold water on the sleeping Laverne and Shirley...wake up! Hopefully this triggers ovulation for the next month. Stay tuned!

Quit daydreaming girls, you have a job to do.

I'm hopeful at this point. It is making me feel better to be doing something as opposed to waiting around for Laverne and Shirley to do this on their own.  AND I was only telling a few people that we are trying, like the people I see close to everyday. But I'm branching out. It seemed like I didn't want to tell people at first "just in case" we have trouble. Who cares? I'm human...and so are Laverne and Shirley. I shouldn't have to feel like I can't inform people who care enough about me to ask, it also lets me enlighten those who respond with the solution that I'm stressed. If anything it will keep them from saying it to the next girl they encounter who is needing a boost on the road to motherhood. With that being said-I LOVE Y'ALL. I'm so so so flattered you care!

Peace, Love, Hasenfeffer Incorporated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRmKzxhMzwo

When you want to be pregnant, everybody else already is.

I'm not liking this mood I have been in. Seems like all kinds of people are pregnant. And even when a facebook stranger-friend announces a pregnancy, I hate them a little. Not cool. On the inside I am a bratty child screaming "It's not fair!" with my bottom lip poked out.  Heck fire, even MICHELLE DUGGAR is pregnant. I don't like this shade of jealousy green, it doesn't look good on me.


After missing my October and November period and taking a 3 week don't-worry-be-happy hiatus from pregnancy tests, I made an appointment with a doctor. Well that was a bust. To start things off, can I just say how much I loved  sitting in the waiting room with pregnant girls. Hey Courtney, look what your not seeing the doctor for! There was no ultrasound to look at my girl insides, no blood drawn to see if my hormones are normal, they didn't even want my pee to test. At the end of my unfulfilled appointment I was asked if I have any questions. Ummm yeah? Where is period, since apparently you have telepathically concluded that I am fine?? I was told I work alot (not true-3 days a week, and I take ALL my holidays and personal days, I really don't work alot AND well that hasn't made my period disappear for the last year I have been employed) and I'm probably just stressed (wrong again. I have been way more stressed, tired, poor, busy-you name it and still had a period) and since I am young, my body should just fix itself, and if it doesn't  I can try to take some medicine to make me start a period and in turn stimulate ovulation the next month. 


SO. That's that. I'm not kidding, when somebody tells me I'm just stressed and that why I don't have a period. I. WANT. TO. KILL. THEM.  It's like saying "I don't think you are normal. In fact, I think you are crazy enough to mentally make your period stop." Try again. I would LOVE to have a period, because if I'm not pregnant, well at least I could be trying to track my ovulation and get that way.  Man, when people tell me I'm just stressed, I want to scream the F word repeatedly. Not exactly a WWJD reaction. I mean if someone tells you they have diabetes, or cancer, or the flu, or any other medical condition no one says, "Aww, your just stressed." And if you do think I'm crazy, f you-I mean just keep it to yourself.


ON A SEMI POSITIVE NOTE it leaves me speechless at the number of people who would be excited for Josh and I to have a baby. When people ask us when we are going to have a baby-I know it's just because they would love to see us as parents. I realize that, and it make me tear up just typing about it. But I feel like I am letting people down, Josh included, when people are so anticipatory. Oh you are hungry-are you pregnant? You're sleepy-are you pregnant? You're back hurts-are you pregnant? You farted-are you pregnant?  When I was at the doctor last week, Josh's aunt kept calling and calling and calling and calling. Finally Josh sent her a text and said he was at the doctor with me and he would call her back.  So after we left he called her, they had their conversation and he hung up. 0.25 seconds after he hangs up, she calls right back and asks "You guys have any good news?" He gives her the answer-a big fat disappointing no-and the call ends as hastily as it was dialed.  Ouch. Insecure-potentially-facing fertility-issues girl in the passenger seat...HELLO! All of the excited anticipation of a HHBH's conception puts a wanna be momma under so much pressure.


For real, how do these girls who get pregnant on accident do it? My hat is off to you irresponsible lucky bitches. I'm jealous.


Peace, love, and let's hope my next blog isn't this depressing.

Fur Babies

Just to cut to the chase...I haven't had a period since September 10th. 8 weeks pregnant? Not so much. 567,847 home pregnancy tests and 1 blood test later all I know is my little self is learning to wait. But anyway we could ponder what is up with my period, or total lack of, all day. But let's not.

This is my friend Brittany. We have alot of things in common. We both married our high school sweethearts, work in the women's center at Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center, and we have a soft place in our hearts for reading, big diamonds, SUVs, thick mascara, the Cardinals, and Coach purses. AND neither one of us is a mom.

But that's not all folks! The other night at work Brittany was visiting my nurses station on Postpartum from her home in the nursery. As always we were laughing and talking waaaay longer than we should have been, after all we do have people and babies to see after. We inadvertently launched our selves into a 30 minute conversation about our pets : Lexi, Levi, and Talulah.  We compared eating habits, sleeping patterns, vet appointments, how we chose their names, the first time we saw their little faces, etc etc.

Meanwhile there is a perfectly sane nurse sitting with drool running down her face from boredom. SHE has 4 kids, now she has a dog too. I found this out only after I asked her, because she has children to brag about. Unlike Britt Britt and me who are just pitiful losers who shower our motherly nurturing on our fur babies..  I had an "aha!" moment right then. I'll just sit tight for right now in the situation God has put me in. He knows what he is doing. And I'll love Talulah Bysshye Hollowell: my first baby, my fur baby.

Maybe by the next time I blog I will have a real life. Pray for me y'all, I'm being calm. I just don't know how long it will last.
Peace, Love, & Fur Babies.

Crazy...but that's how it goes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MLp7YNTznE

The Fairy Godparents

6 days ago I had the honor of standing beside my best friend as she became someones wife. I love her more than I can express with words. She is truly the yin to my yang, the female version of my Joshua (and that is saying alot). I don't know how I got to have such marvelous people in my life. When I am the Wicked Witch of the West, they love me anyway.  Her husband is the luckiest man on the face of planet Earth.

Her face is so darn pretty, and her heart is even prettier.  When it started raining on her wedding day she says "I'm just glad this happened to me and not you."  I'll never forget that, one of those moments that change your life. Really. She is so selfless, an absolute angel.

Okay enough with the lesbianism. Although happily I do proclaim that the newlyweds with be Hunka Hunka Baby Hollowell's (HHBH) godparents. Josh and I updated our insurance policy recently and had a lengthy discussion and the results were:  in the event we are both casualties of a plane crash, swallowed up in a tsunami, or spontaneously combust; Callan and Caleigh will raise HHBH. They are the best people for the job, Caleigh will ensure HHBH gets therapy and Callan will supply the pony at HHBH's birthday parties. Perfect, yes I know. HHBH is so blessed.

Aren't they precious? They have that special fairy godparent glow.



Fertility Status Update:  Ovulation has come and gone....I think. I thought I was so educated on this stuff, always knowing when I was fertile and to be careful. But now that I'm TTC I suddenly feel like a complete incompetent. When I am standing on my head try to give the sperm a boost in the right direction my husband insist I am insane. People get pregnant on accident all the time, right??? Well let's cross our fingers and toes that the magic has happened this month because hunting season has snuck up on me and I am about to be a deer widow. A hunting lease in Georgia in combination with the fact that you can't send sperm through the mail could put a stall on HHBH's arrival. And this girl sure hasn't been blessed with any patience. 

Time will tell. God is in control. Peace, Love, and Fertility.

Gentlemen, start your engines....

Anti-Malaria pill free, check. Folic acid supplementation, check. Three used baby name books ordered from amazon, check. Careful tracking of menstrual cycle, check. Roughneck husband home, check.

Just off a 14 hour night at work and I am officially trying to conceive (TTC). Don't want to get too graphic with this entry, but my estimated date of ovulation is September 24th. So faithful blog-followers, all two of you, say a prayer. Send some positive energy to the fertility gods.