This is how I feel.
My period due date has come and gone. I have invested a small fortune in every brand of over the counter pregnancy test know to man. Negative test after negative test. Two simple explanations: my hcg levels are not high enough to detect yet OR I am giving myself pseudo pregnancy symptoms and am in need of psychiatric attention before I cut a baby out of some one's womb to pass it off as mine. (JOKE)
It starts with cervical mucous that is consistent to what can be expected in the beginning of a pregnancy-or so I have read. For a few days after the appearance of the first symptom I notice I have alot of spit in my mouth...gross. Then out of nowhere I burst into tears when the Duggars sing "Amazing Grace" which just happens to be my least favorite hymn EVER, but all of a sudden it was so darn touching. So that's all pretty presumptive. But for a solid 24 hours I was nauseous as heck, swore I was going to hurl at any given moment and all I wanted to do for that period of time was sleep. At that point my little "Oh that's strange" went to "Yep, I've got morning sickness. Bring on the two pink lines" Nada.
The nausea has passed and I am feeling pretty normal right now except for that fact I think I have fabricated all of these things into happening. I know I want to be pregnant, but I thought I was pretty realistic about it. I know I could have to try for awhile. I am not trying to telepathically will my self to motherhood. So where in Sam Hill is my monthly visit from Aunt Flo?
For now I am swearing off the pregnancy tests. I would hate for Big Daddy to come home from work to an empty bank account, all of the money spent on things for me to piss on. Not cool, not cool. I had a wise friend tell me that the moon is in the waning phase which can causes increased levels of progesterone and can account for the nausea. The Duggars? They are just so flipping wholesome.
I just KNEW something like this was going to happen when my preacher (heck of a guy, I'm not kiddin) preached a sermon on patience last Sunday. Something I must not have had time to wait in line for when the Good Lord was passing it out. I thought to myself "Oh shit (can you cuss in church if it's inner dialog?) this pregnancy thing is going to teach you some patience." I have always been scared to pray for patience even though I know I need it. A boisterous woman once told me I better not pray for patience or I might be sorry, as in God would test me like he did Job. So I felt kinda doomed last Sunday, when I realized I have always known I was lacking in that area, but was too selfish to ask God to help me with it. My husband, on the other hand, absolute saint. Could wait on something til the cows come home. Can't we base our conception timing on his patience, pretty please?
Say a prayer for my patience guys...I'm still too scared to.
God Bless. Peace, Love, & JimBob Duggar. Amen.
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