8/18/16 Josh and I have been talking and praying about the timing of giving Georgia a sibling. Neither of us have ever come to a peace about me being pregnant again. At least not yet anyway. With my MTHFR diagnosis, I worry about a healthy pregnancy for me and an unborn child. I know that no mother is guaranteed either of those things, but the responsibility of of knowing I have this issue is always in the front of my mind...not the back.
I've wondered if we were supposed to be foster parents. And to be transparent, Josh hasn't ever felt led that direction.
This morning, an option came across to us that made us do a double take. Something we have already considered more seriously than the previous two options we have always prayed about. Private adoption.
I just felt like I needed to blog something this morning. Above anything, we want God's will for our family. What is our purpose on this earth? May we always be willing to answer the call and step out in faith. It's so easy to say you have faith unitil you're really put in an uneasy place.
8/20/16
The last 2 days have both been very slow and very fast. We've been praying, discussing, and what iffing over and over.
Josh and I have decided that we will be open, say yes, and then pray only for God's will. Our pastor said in a sermon this last year that if you pray for God's will in your life, you can't go wrong. That resonated with me. So many times I try to work things out on my own, find the rhyme or reason in a situation, weigh my pros and cons, and search for the right thing to do. When all I really need to do is "let go and let God" pray for the direction of my life to follow only the path he has laid out for me, and everything will be just fine.
If all goes as planned we will meet with the birth mom tonight. I'm so nervous! Worried about what to wear, what to say, will it be awkward?, will she like me?, a million thoughts like these!
I made a little book to give her that tells about our family in a simple way. I tried to put myself in her shoes as much as possible (which is impossible, I will never understand what she is going through) and tell her the things I would want to know if the roles were reversed. 
At this point, my main prayer is the baby's health. The birth mom has had no prenatal care, and says she is due anytime now. We are hoping for a doctors visit next week to check on her, the baby, and estimate a due date.
I'm also VERY nervous to tell our families. This will pretty much be out of left field for them to hear and will be the most random piece of news. Ever. I want them to understand us and accept our choice. To complicate things, Josh will leave for work in 2 VERY short days!! I may have to deliver this news to our loved ones by myself. Nooooo! I don't wanna! Haha. Depending on the due date, he may also be away at work when the baby is born. Geez Louise! Jesus take the wheel.
For now, we will see what today holds!
8/23/16 We met with the birth mother and it went as well as it possibly could! At the end she hugged Josh for the longest time and said "I feel so much better now" I will never forget it.
Other than this in person meeting, our communication is through a mutual party that has professional experience with adoption. It works best for everyone for comfort, safety, and privacy.
At our meeting I gave the birth mom the book I made for her, she showed us pictures of the baby's biological siblings, we discussed different scenarios for how things would go at the hospital, and we all prayed together. I told her that anything she wanted to know about us, all she had to do was ask anytime.
She told us she has a strong intuition the baby is a boy. She was sure of it. I wonder if she's right!
The next day, Sunday, all I could think about was the adoption of this baby. Along with anticipation and excitement was a feeling of loss. Loss for myself that I will likely never experience pregnancy again, never breastfeed again, loss of a baby I hoped I would someday have that looked just like Josh. I heard a song on the radio that gave me an incredible peace. The line the comforted me said "Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss. Lead me to the cross"
I know anything that I could dream of for myself could never compared to what God has in store for me. Josh and I continue to pray for only God's will in this situation.
Today I went to see an attorney (just me! Josh is back at work) about all the formal paper work and it was way less complicated than I thought it would be! 
I took this picture before I walked in. Just to remember a significant, unique moment in my life. You truly never know what each day will hold.
Hopefully by tomorrow there will have been an ultrasound done and we will know health, gender, and due date of the baby! At that point we plan to tell our parents. I wanted to have some more information to give them before we share the news, because I know they will have lots of questions. I didn't want to answer all of them with a shrug of my shoulders. At the advice of my best friend I'm praying I can do a good job of helping them understand our decision.
That sermon of my pastor's that forever changed my life (my pastor is awesome if you can't tell) was that in your life you don't have to worry about which way to go or fret over the right choices to make, as long as you pray for God's purpose to unfold in your life you will never go wrong. I'm doing that!
8/26/16 We went to an ultrasound with the birth mom and learned that the baby is a GIRL and we've given her a name :) the same day we told our closest friends and family the news and everyone has been amazingly supportive.
