Wedded Bliss

This morning I was driving Georgia to her one-day-a-week daycare and I, for some reason, started thinking about what I want her to know about marriage.  I've been blessed with such a happy one and my advice can only come from my personal experiences.  Marriage is a journey. You NEVER stop working on your marriage.  Here's what I think: 

Give compliments   Anything from you look handsome today, that was a really good steak you cooked for me, I love your eyes.  Never stop telling the person you love what you love about them.  Don't take for granted that they already know.  Remind them. 

Appreciate  A simple "thank you". Thanks for mowing the yard.  Thanks for folding the laundry. Thanks for working hard to provide for us.  No thanks is too small or too big. Verbalize your appreciation.  It tells your spouse you are grateful for the efforts they put into your marriage and family.  When I tell Josh thank you for something, it also reminds me how lucky I feel to have him and all he brings to my life. 

Be the first to say "I'm Sorry"   Apologize first and fast.  On the same note, if you receive a genuine apology, accept it and get on with life.  Don't drag an argument out just for entertainment or whatever reason. Move on.  Most important Don't go to bed mad. I swear by it. 

No sex before love. Conservative, old fashioned, whatever.   Wait until you are at least madly in love (not lust) with somebody before you give it up.  If they won't wait that long, they weren't worth it anyway.  Waiting for sex in a relationship and how the other person handles your decision to do so, I think, says a lot about their character.  If they'll wait for you, they care about YOU and not just...well,other stuff.  The best part of sex is the emotional connection anyway. 

Romance   Never neglect it.  Romance doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive.   Josh loves pink jelly beans, I picked them all out of the bag once and packed them in his suitcase for work.  When he found them he knew I thought about him and wanted to make him smile. Easy enough.  Romance is your effort.  Never stop dating your spouse. 

Don't cuss.  Simple enough.  You won't hear Josh call me a bitch, or an F you coming from my mouth.  Your husband/wife is your life partner, your best friend, your sidekick.  Name calling and swear words are not for your soulmate.  The same words you would use for someone you don't like have no place in your marriage. 

Hold hands  In the car, walking in the parking lot of walmart, at home on the couch. Do it. 

Communicate  Don't make a disagreement a guessing game too. John Mayer said it best "Say what you need to say." Be honest.

Spouse=numero uno  Your marriage is priority, period.  

Mind your own business  Keep your marriage sacred. A relationship, the good and bad, isn't for everyone else. It's for the people in it.  Don't worry about projecting to the world how happily-ever-after you have it.  On the same token your mom, the gardening club, and all of Facebook don't need to know about your disagreements. You don't need people on "your side" in a marriage everyone is on the same team.  

I guess that's all the wisdom I have.  I heard something in church as a preteen and never forgot it "The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother" So simple and so true. 

When nursing strikes.

2 Wednesdays ago Georgia woke for the morning, I went and got her out of her crib, changed her diaper, and sat down with her in the recliner.  Just like almost every morning.  She laid back in her nursing position but when she tried to latch on she bit down instead and then started crying in pain.  

Her mouth hurt.  I knew her top gums looked like there were some teeth on the way.  I gave her some teething tablet and tried again, same thing. It hurt her mouth to try to latch.   I eventually gave her pumped momma milk in a cup.  I was so thankful to have that option.  For 11 solid months Georgia refused anything but the boob. Milk straight from the tap. Exclusive. Whew, glad that now that her mouth is hurting I have another way to get the comfort she knows from milk to her.   

I knew nursing strikes happen.  I knew she would get over it and come back around. Georgia is SUCH A boobie baby. We nurse on demand countless times a day.  She loves it.  It's relaxing for me too. To hold and rock her, watch her twirl her hair, bend over and kiss her head.  Our time. 

But by day 3 of the strike I couldn't help but be a little nervous.  I was doing my best to let the rational rule my thought.  Babies rarely truly self wean this early, Georgia and I are always together, I nurse on demand, she abruptly stopped and weaning is gradual.  

Day 4 of the nursing strike was the last time she tried to latch.  We were at my friends house.  I was sitting in the nursery floor and she walked up to me and signed for milk,  she put her mouth awkwardly around my nipple to latch but just held her mouth still and didn't suck.  Her eyes looked confused.  Like she doesn't know how to work her mouth to latch with the new teeth on top.   She got up from her attempt and went on playing. 

The next few days were fussy ones for Georgia.  Her gums hurt.  We got in a regimen of Motrin in the morning and before bed, Tylenol midday and teething tablets in between. She was being kept comfortable. 

But by this time she had developed an aversion to nursing.  She associates it with pain. I asked "you want to nurse?" She shakes her head and says no, no, no.  She signs milk when she sees her cup and calls it "mimmie"...her word for milk. 

I die.

Is this really happening? During the span of this strike I have tried to do everything right, skin to skin, only giving milk to her with a syringe or medicine dropper, try to sneak nursing in when she is drowsy or asleep, bathe with her.  I "nurse" her baby dolls and we watch YouTube videos of babies nursing for encouragement.  

Nothing works. 

Josh tells me he doesn't think she will nurse again.  

My heart is broken.  

This is not how self weaning is supposed to happen. She's supposed to gradually decrease her nursing sessions, I should be able to see the end coming. I should be able to cherish the last times I nurse her.  Soak it up.  Kiss her head a few extra times, smell her hair while she dozes at the breast. 

But no.  She woke up on Wednesday morning and our new normal slapped me in the face. 

I know she is over a year old and my goal was to nurse for 12 months.  But I was willing to go as long as she wanted. Years of nursing, a sacrifice of my energy, body and time.  Happily do it for Georgia.  

And I knew she would nurse until at least preschool start at age 3 when she would go part time to school and I would nurse her to sleep every night.  And they all lived happily ever after. 

Psych!  My boobie baby threw me a curve ball.  I still in utter disbelief and denial.  I stopped my whole life, quit my job, very seldom leave her with a sitter, to nurse her.  Nurse her whenever she wants.  And she just stops. Never looks back. Doesn't she miss it? Why has this been so seemingly nonchalant for her? 

I KNOW she is just a baby and she hasn't rejected me personally.  But I feel so hurt. I keep having the thought in the back of my head "I just want to go home"   Back to our normal. 

I'll be okay...I think.  No really I will. Once I can wrap my mind around this abrupt strike that has lead to weaning, which supposedly rarely ever happens. 

I'm still pumping.  Giving her my milk, I'm not ready to stop that yet.  I'll pump until I just psychically can't anymore.  

From exclusive nurser to exclusive pumper. Go figure. 

F you, teeth.