When you want to be pregnant, everybody else already is.

I'm not liking this mood I have been in. Seems like all kinds of people are pregnant. And even when a facebook stranger-friend announces a pregnancy, I hate them a little. Not cool. On the inside I am a bratty child screaming "It's not fair!" with my bottom lip poked out.  Heck fire, even MICHELLE DUGGAR is pregnant. I don't like this shade of jealousy green, it doesn't look good on me.


After missing my October and November period and taking a 3 week don't-worry-be-happy hiatus from pregnancy tests, I made an appointment with a doctor. Well that was a bust. To start things off, can I just say how much I loved  sitting in the waiting room with pregnant girls. Hey Courtney, look what your not seeing the doctor for! There was no ultrasound to look at my girl insides, no blood drawn to see if my hormones are normal, they didn't even want my pee to test. At the end of my unfulfilled appointment I was asked if I have any questions. Ummm yeah? Where is period, since apparently you have telepathically concluded that I am fine?? I was told I work alot (not true-3 days a week, and I take ALL my holidays and personal days, I really don't work alot AND well that hasn't made my period disappear for the last year I have been employed) and I'm probably just stressed (wrong again. I have been way more stressed, tired, poor, busy-you name it and still had a period) and since I am young, my body should just fix itself, and if it doesn't  I can try to take some medicine to make me start a period and in turn stimulate ovulation the next month. 


SO. That's that. I'm not kidding, when somebody tells me I'm just stressed and that why I don't have a period. I. WANT. TO. KILL. THEM.  It's like saying "I don't think you are normal. In fact, I think you are crazy enough to mentally make your period stop." Try again. I would LOVE to have a period, because if I'm not pregnant, well at least I could be trying to track my ovulation and get that way.  Man, when people tell me I'm just stressed, I want to scream the F word repeatedly. Not exactly a WWJD reaction. I mean if someone tells you they have diabetes, or cancer, or the flu, or any other medical condition no one says, "Aww, your just stressed." And if you do think I'm crazy, f you-I mean just keep it to yourself.


ON A SEMI POSITIVE NOTE it leaves me speechless at the number of people who would be excited for Josh and I to have a baby. When people ask us when we are going to have a baby-I know it's just because they would love to see us as parents. I realize that, and it make me tear up just typing about it. But I feel like I am letting people down, Josh included, when people are so anticipatory. Oh you are hungry-are you pregnant? You're sleepy-are you pregnant? You're back hurts-are you pregnant? You farted-are you pregnant?  When I was at the doctor last week, Josh's aunt kept calling and calling and calling and calling. Finally Josh sent her a text and said he was at the doctor with me and he would call her back.  So after we left he called her, they had their conversation and he hung up. 0.25 seconds after he hangs up, she calls right back and asks "You guys have any good news?" He gives her the answer-a big fat disappointing no-and the call ends as hastily as it was dialed.  Ouch. Insecure-potentially-facing fertility-issues girl in the passenger seat...HELLO! All of the excited anticipation of a HHBH's conception puts a wanna be momma under so much pressure.


For real, how do these girls who get pregnant on accident do it? My hat is off to you irresponsible lucky bitches. I'm jealous.


Peace, love, and let's hope my next blog isn't this depressing.

Fur Babies

Just to cut to the chase...I haven't had a period since September 10th. 8 weeks pregnant? Not so much. 567,847 home pregnancy tests and 1 blood test later all I know is my little self is learning to wait. But anyway we could ponder what is up with my period, or total lack of, all day. But let's not.

This is my friend Brittany. We have alot of things in common. We both married our high school sweethearts, work in the women's center at Poplar Bluff Regional Medical Center, and we have a soft place in our hearts for reading, big diamonds, SUVs, thick mascara, the Cardinals, and Coach purses. AND neither one of us is a mom.

But that's not all folks! The other night at work Brittany was visiting my nurses station on Postpartum from her home in the nursery. As always we were laughing and talking waaaay longer than we should have been, after all we do have people and babies to see after. We inadvertently launched our selves into a 30 minute conversation about our pets : Lexi, Levi, and Talulah.  We compared eating habits, sleeping patterns, vet appointments, how we chose their names, the first time we saw their little faces, etc etc.

Meanwhile there is a perfectly sane nurse sitting with drool running down her face from boredom. SHE has 4 kids, now she has a dog too. I found this out only after I asked her, because she has children to brag about. Unlike Britt Britt and me who are just pitiful losers who shower our motherly nurturing on our fur babies..  I had an "aha!" moment right then. I'll just sit tight for right now in the situation God has put me in. He knows what he is doing. And I'll love Talulah Bysshye Hollowell: my first baby, my fur baby.

Maybe by the next time I blog I will have a real life. Pray for me y'all, I'm being calm. I just don't know how long it will last.
Peace, Love, & Fur Babies.