Installment II
Okay, so the lights go out and me and my trusty 2 man birth team try to wind down. At the same time the intensity and frequency of my contractions goes up. They eventually got to where they were less than a minute apart. The pain from one would just begin to ease a little and before it was over another one would come. I was "coupling" my contractions. For me the pain was in my extreme lower abdominal region, toward the spot where your legs-attach-groin-area. It can best be described as a hot knife stabbing like pain combined with the cramping feeling you get if you have been holding in a poop for WAY too long. Sounds fun,huh? I didn't want to get an epidural too soon and expose little G-Nizzle to drugs during a prolonged labor, because I was worried she would be groggy and a poor eater if I did. So I was putting that option off for awhile.
The harder the contractions got, I constantly wanted to change positions. Roll over on my side, sit up on the side of the bed, the head of the bed sucks I want to lay at the foot, put a pillow under my hip, move that pillow, I want to stand and sway, I want to lay back down. It was constant. I latched on to this washrag that found its way to me and I would shove my face into it with every contraction while my inner dialogue was screaming "Make the world go away..." Also, I really really really wanted a catheter. Weird I know, but I was having what I would imagine to be bladder spasms. I felt like I needed to pee so bad and the contractions wouldn't let me relax long enough to let it go. Josh and Caleigh journeyed me to the bathroom between contractions which felt like it was 2 miles away. I finally got there and it took for-ev-ver but I peed and was so darn happy about it. Josh exclaimed "She peed!" and Caleigh cheered. During the bathroom trip I had 2 visitors. One was a very motherly nurse I work with who wanted to check on me. She saw my life was sucking and immediatly started trying to pin down the whereabouts of anesthesia, she knew this girl needed an epidural. Her name is Cindy and I love her for that. The other visitor, came into the room without knocking (which ummm, I don't think is a good policy for any labor room) I started yelling "No! No! No!" and the visitor promptly left. I think this was my most I'm-in-labor-and-I'm-crazy moment.
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After I was back in bed from the bathroom, my nurse Amanda checked me again. I was 3 cm. I was sad about it too. I just knew these bitch contractions were making more progress than that. She asked me if I wanted my epidural yet and I told her no but I didn't mean it. I wanted it bad but I also wanted to be more dilated. She told me that my contractions were really close together and she thought I should go ahead with it. I told her no again and she understood. She also reminded me that after I did say yes to the epidural I would have to have a fluid bolus that would take an hour, and it would be around another hour after that before I would get any relief. Son of a bitch. (You can cuss when you're in labor) I rode out the monster waves of contractions just a little while longer and then threw in the towel. Give me the juice!
It was a very busy night in the women's center that night. My nurse Amanda was in a delivery and couldn't come start my fluid bolus. My other nurse-friend, Danelle, came and started it. I could tell she was having a hectic night and that it was a stretch for her to stop what she was doing to come start my fluids. Bless her heart, I gave her a piece of fudge that another nurse had left for me and told her I love her forever. Labor makes you very grateful. Well by the time my fluids had infused and I could have my epidural, another gal was getting hers. So I had to wait my turn. A second bag of fluids infused before my superhero Rick CRNA showed up. So by this time it had been two hours since I thought I couldn't take it anymore. A woman's body is an amazing thing!
Before I started this labor thing, I wanted to make sure my breath didn't stink and that I wasn't making sex sounding noises during contractions. I was failing at both. My best friend forever Caleigh swears that I handled my contractions well and didn't act a fool, but I'm not sure I believe her. When Rick came in, Caleigh and Josh had to go to the waiting room. Sweet Amanda held me while I hunched over for Rick. If you know Amanda, you know she smells like a freshly powdered baby's bottom. She has the best eau de laundry scent EVER. I kept telling her thank you for smelling so wonderful and apologizing for my rank breath that I knew I was blowing all over her with every contraction. She told me to shut up, don't worry about it.
Me and the love of my labor life Rick
Does it hurt getting an epidural? Who cares?! My advice would be to wait until you think you are about to die before you get one because then you don't give a rip. Ole Rick could have walked in and threw the epidural at my back like a dart and I still would have wanted to kiss him on the butt for his generosity. Super long needle to the spine, no sweat.
After the best thing since sliced bread epidural was in and I was laying back down I got the catheter I had been asking for. I loved it and would have kept it for a week. No peeing! Amanda checked me and I had progressed to a 6. Hallelujah!!! Josh and Caleigh came back in the room to find the sex sound moaning wash cloth eating Courtney gone and a smiling, cheerful Courtney in her place. I told Josh to let all my spectators in the waiting room to come in and visit. Which I would have wanted them all to burn in a fiery hell if they would have came in my room 45 minutes before that.
I felt great, the contractions were totally nonexistent on my pain scale. Now that's the way to do it. If you are knocked up or will be someday: Don't be a chump, get the epidural. There is no gold star, certificate, or medal you are awarded at the end for hurting more than you have to. In the end you get the same prize as the woman who had an epidural, a baby. DO IT. If my epidural were a man I would have ditched Josh and married it. Epidural, epidural, epidural.
So that's where I will sign off. Very comfortable, blissful, anxiety free, catheter loving.
Peace. Love. EPIDURAL.
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