Since I had you, I can hear a song and the lyrics sound totally different to me. Much more tearing up and goosebumps than before. The most recent one, of course, has the f word in it. Regardless, I want you to know you're perfect to me. I can't say that I have always known my mom thinks I'm perfect, and I want different for you. You're my world, my air, I love you so much it hurts me. And I try try try to make perfect decisions for you as your mommy. I always feel like nothing is good enough because you deserve so much. I'm trying to give you everything I can so that you remember you childhood as happy, and that you never doubt that I love you with my whole soul. Never feel like you're less than perfect. If YouTube is still around when you are old enough to read this, listen to P!nk's song "Perfect"...the edited/clean version, sans the good ole f word.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Life after "infertility"
Infertility in quotation marks because I don't really like that word. It is hard to say you have that problem. Is it after a certain time span of trying to conceive without success? Is it after you have suffered a pregnancy loss, or multiple losses? Is it when you are taking fertility medication? Who cares.
I want to say that infertility is a dark place. It made me selfish, jealous, and sad. Not to mention hyper sensitive. It started when I was open with people that we were trying to have a baby and it didn't happen right away. You start getting advice. (I have come to despise advice) I went almost a full year without a menstrual cycle, that included an array of other embarrassing symptoms I don't care to share. I heard a million times from well meaning people that I was "trying too hard" to have a baby. All I had to do was "relax" or "quit trying" and BOOM it would happen. I knew that wasn't the case. I knew my body was off. My hormones were out of wack. What I heard when people said those things to me was that I was creating my own problem, I was crazy, it was all in my head, I was causing myself to not have a baby.
But nothing compares to the lowest feelings of selfishness I could ever experience.
While I was praying for a baby, scared of what the future held for me, I felt like I didn't like anyone. The sight or thought of a pregnant women broke my heart. I was insanely jealous of people with children. I was insecure. My heart was ugly. After months of these feelings, I lost myself. I know, I know. This all sounds seriously dramatic. But even typing about it takes me right back, I can feel it again. Lonely. A heavy, empty heart. Getting pregnant took over my thoughts. I was so scared that even I "hadn't been trying that long, some people try for years" (another idiotic thing people say) that it would take years. Or worse, would never happen. If I heard the news someone was pregnant, anyone, I would wonder Do they know how lucky they are? Are they thankful for this gift? I was always wallowing in pity. It wasn't fair. Why not me? One of the lowest points for me was when I literally couldn't be happy for anyone else. I had so much guilt over that. I knew I was being awful, I didn't want to feel this way. I cried too many tears over feeling like I was a terrible person. Harboring resentment against other people for being pregnant. What kind of person does that? I knew I didn't want to feel that way, and I didn't know how to stop it.
Infertility made it hard for me to enjoy my job, taking care of new moms as an RN. I would go in spurts of crying my whole drive to work, to turning the radio off and just driving in silence...angry.
My sweet coworkers and friends tiptoed around me in conversation, anything can be taken offensively when you are struggling with infertility. I know I was hard to love, I don't know how Josh did it. If he asked me how I was doing, I didn't want to talk about it. If he left me alone, I got mad because he didn't care enough. He told me I was a good person when I didn't believe it. He was so strong for us, because I sucked at these emotions.
WELL on a brighter note. I was diagnosed with MTHFR, an abbreviation for a really long named blood clotting disorder. My blood clots too much. Which is a real problem when you are pregnant. Women with MTHFR pass blood clots to their babies resulting in pregnancy loss. It can be controlled with a proactive approach and medication.
But back up. Before that came along, I took hormones to make me have a period, more medication to make me ovulate. This really made me a fuzzy basket of baby chickens. I was due for a blood draw to check my hormone levels to make sure all the medicine was working. I went to work early to get my lab work done before my shift started. The labs were cycle day specific and I needed them done on that specific day. Everyone was busy. I didn't get my labs drawn. I was mad and tearful. I just wanted something to go right for once. Oh but it was, I had no idea. I was assigned a new patient. She had MTHFR. She had suffered multiple pregnancy losses. I had to call her doctor, my doctor too, about her plan of care. He came over to see her, after that I asked him to write my lab order, even though I was a day behind on them by now. He wrote out the normal orders, then asked me "Do you want me to check you for MTHFR? Just to cover all bases?" I told him sure, if I have to get stuck lets make it count. If I had gotten my labs drawn when I wanted, it would have been before I was assigned the MTHFR patient, and it probably wouldn't have crossed my doctor's mind to test me for it. I would say 99.9% of women who have MTHFR aren't diagnosed until they have multiple miscarriages. So it was a fluke I was ever tested for it. That night I got my labs drawn and went on about my job. Two days later I got a positive pregnancy test. I was so happy.
Cautiously happy. That's another thing infertility does to you, makes you scared to enjoy your pregnancy. Don't get too invested, something might happen. Don't tell too many people your pregnant, something might happen. Don't buy any baby things, something might happen.
BUT ANYWAY, I went to my first ultrasound when I was 5 weeks. Everything looked great. I didn't give a second thought to those labs I had drawn. I'm pregnant now. A few hours after my appointment my doctor called me. As soon as I saw the number on my phone, I knew. I looked at Josh and said "I have MTHFR" I answered the call and Dr John told me I had MTHFR, a double mutation. I needed to start taking aspirin and some other medications immediately. Fast forward....I was fine. Georgia is here and perfect and it is all thanks to God.
So many little things happened at the right time for everything to work out. I marvel at them. Especially during church. I sat in those pews and silently prayed and wept for a baby. So scared prayed for God to get Georgia through this pregnancy without me passing a clot to her.
Thank God for the patient I was assigned that night. Thank God that my doctor tested me for MTHFR. Thank God I found out my diagnosis when I did, right before the placenta takes over the blood flow to the fetus, which is when I would have passed a clot to my baby. Thank God I had trouble getting pregnant, if I hadn't I would have never been tested for MTHFR until I had most likely lost some pregnancies. I still can't believe I have MTHFR and never have known the pain of miscarriage. That is unheard of. God did that for me, I am so humbled.
This morning in church I was thinking of all the ways God blessed me throughout my little journey. All the moving parts that worked in my favor. I have struggled with typing this sentence, I can't even put into words. I am just simply amazed.
NOW after going through that. I still get a sting of pain when I hear someone is pregnant. Old habits die hard I guess. It can still ruin my day to hear someone complain about being pregnant. Yes it can be hard, but do you KNOW the miracle you are getting to experience? SO many women would trade you places in a heartbeat. Take the heartburn, the nausea, the tiredness, the leg cramps, the back aches, the swelling, you name it. I had my pregnancy discomforts, but I enjoyed being miserable. I feel INCREDIBLY lucky that I know what it is like to be pregnant when I was terrified that I might not ever feel a baby grow inside of me.
I am stingy with Georgia, I want to soak up all of her I can. She won't spend the night away from me in the foreseeable future. I only leave her to run errands here and there, never more than a few hours. I don't know if I would have been quite so stingy with her in other circumstances, I know it is hard for her aunts and grandparents sometimes.
I often pray for Georgia to be so many things that I am not. Strong but soft. Not insecure and sensitive like me. Confident and not defensive. Easy to love. Happy even in the hardest times. Faithful. Patient.
Infertility made me so aware of my faults and weaknesses. I am so thankful to everyone who loved me when I felt unlovable.
I want to say that infertility is a dark place. It made me selfish, jealous, and sad. Not to mention hyper sensitive. It started when I was open with people that we were trying to have a baby and it didn't happen right away. You start getting advice. (I have come to despise advice) I went almost a full year without a menstrual cycle, that included an array of other embarrassing symptoms I don't care to share. I heard a million times from well meaning people that I was "trying too hard" to have a baby. All I had to do was "relax" or "quit trying" and BOOM it would happen. I knew that wasn't the case. I knew my body was off. My hormones were out of wack. What I heard when people said those things to me was that I was creating my own problem, I was crazy, it was all in my head, I was causing myself to not have a baby.
But nothing compares to the lowest feelings of selfishness I could ever experience.
While I was praying for a baby, scared of what the future held for me, I felt like I didn't like anyone. The sight or thought of a pregnant women broke my heart. I was insanely jealous of people with children. I was insecure. My heart was ugly. After months of these feelings, I lost myself. I know, I know. This all sounds seriously dramatic. But even typing about it takes me right back, I can feel it again. Lonely. A heavy, empty heart. Getting pregnant took over my thoughts. I was so scared that even I "hadn't been trying that long, some people try for years" (another idiotic thing people say) that it would take years. Or worse, would never happen. If I heard the news someone was pregnant, anyone, I would wonder Do they know how lucky they are? Are they thankful for this gift? I was always wallowing in pity. It wasn't fair. Why not me? One of the lowest points for me was when I literally couldn't be happy for anyone else. I had so much guilt over that. I knew I was being awful, I didn't want to feel this way. I cried too many tears over feeling like I was a terrible person. Harboring resentment against other people for being pregnant. What kind of person does that? I knew I didn't want to feel that way, and I didn't know how to stop it.
Infertility made it hard for me to enjoy my job, taking care of new moms as an RN. I would go in spurts of crying my whole drive to work, to turning the radio off and just driving in silence...angry.
My sweet coworkers and friends tiptoed around me in conversation, anything can be taken offensively when you are struggling with infertility. I know I was hard to love, I don't know how Josh did it. If he asked me how I was doing, I didn't want to talk about it. If he left me alone, I got mad because he didn't care enough. He told me I was a good person when I didn't believe it. He was so strong for us, because I sucked at these emotions.
WELL on a brighter note. I was diagnosed with MTHFR, an abbreviation for a really long named blood clotting disorder. My blood clots too much. Which is a real problem when you are pregnant. Women with MTHFR pass blood clots to their babies resulting in pregnancy loss. It can be controlled with a proactive approach and medication.
But back up. Before that came along, I took hormones to make me have a period, more medication to make me ovulate. This really made me a fuzzy basket of baby chickens. I was due for a blood draw to check my hormone levels to make sure all the medicine was working. I went to work early to get my lab work done before my shift started. The labs were cycle day specific and I needed them done on that specific day. Everyone was busy. I didn't get my labs drawn. I was mad and tearful. I just wanted something to go right for once. Oh but it was, I had no idea. I was assigned a new patient. She had MTHFR. She had suffered multiple pregnancy losses. I had to call her doctor, my doctor too, about her plan of care. He came over to see her, after that I asked him to write my lab order, even though I was a day behind on them by now. He wrote out the normal orders, then asked me "Do you want me to check you for MTHFR? Just to cover all bases?" I told him sure, if I have to get stuck lets make it count. If I had gotten my labs drawn when I wanted, it would have been before I was assigned the MTHFR patient, and it probably wouldn't have crossed my doctor's mind to test me for it. I would say 99.9% of women who have MTHFR aren't diagnosed until they have multiple miscarriages. So it was a fluke I was ever tested for it. That night I got my labs drawn and went on about my job. Two days later I got a positive pregnancy test. I was so happy.
Cautiously happy. That's another thing infertility does to you, makes you scared to enjoy your pregnancy. Don't get too invested, something might happen. Don't tell too many people your pregnant, something might happen. Don't buy any baby things, something might happen.
BUT ANYWAY, I went to my first ultrasound when I was 5 weeks. Everything looked great. I didn't give a second thought to those labs I had drawn. I'm pregnant now. A few hours after my appointment my doctor called me. As soon as I saw the number on my phone, I knew. I looked at Josh and said "I have MTHFR" I answered the call and Dr John told me I had MTHFR, a double mutation. I needed to start taking aspirin and some other medications immediately. Fast forward....I was fine. Georgia is here and perfect and it is all thanks to God.
So many little things happened at the right time for everything to work out. I marvel at them. Especially during church. I sat in those pews and silently prayed and wept for a baby. So scared prayed for God to get Georgia through this pregnancy without me passing a clot to her.
Thank God for the patient I was assigned that night. Thank God that my doctor tested me for MTHFR. Thank God I found out my diagnosis when I did, right before the placenta takes over the blood flow to the fetus, which is when I would have passed a clot to my baby. Thank God I had trouble getting pregnant, if I hadn't I would have never been tested for MTHFR until I had most likely lost some pregnancies. I still can't believe I have MTHFR and never have known the pain of miscarriage. That is unheard of. God did that for me, I am so humbled.
This morning in church I was thinking of all the ways God blessed me throughout my little journey. All the moving parts that worked in my favor. I have struggled with typing this sentence, I can't even put into words. I am just simply amazed.
NOW after going through that. I still get a sting of pain when I hear someone is pregnant. Old habits die hard I guess. It can still ruin my day to hear someone complain about being pregnant. Yes it can be hard, but do you KNOW the miracle you are getting to experience? SO many women would trade you places in a heartbeat. Take the heartburn, the nausea, the tiredness, the leg cramps, the back aches, the swelling, you name it. I had my pregnancy discomforts, but I enjoyed being miserable. I feel INCREDIBLY lucky that I know what it is like to be pregnant when I was terrified that I might not ever feel a baby grow inside of me.
I am stingy with Georgia, I want to soak up all of her I can. She won't spend the night away from me in the foreseeable future. I only leave her to run errands here and there, never more than a few hours. I don't know if I would have been quite so stingy with her in other circumstances, I know it is hard for her aunts and grandparents sometimes.
I often pray for Georgia to be so many things that I am not. Strong but soft. Not insecure and sensitive like me. Confident and not defensive. Easy to love. Happy even in the hardest times. Faithful. Patient.
Infertility made me so aware of my faults and weaknesses. I am so thankful to everyone who loved me when I felt unlovable.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Our Newborn Favorites
Even though Georgia is 7 months old now, I won't soon be forgetting the things that really helped us out when we were a brand spanking new mommy/baby combo. There were a few things we couldn't live without, I feel like I would be doing the world an injustice if I didn't share our favs, so here they are!
And last but not least, Lasinoh Soothies Gel Pads. (bottom center) Sweet, sweet nipple salvation! I can't tell you how many people I have recommended these things to. They are so perfect for nipple discomfort that new onset breastfeeding brings. Get a few sets, keep some in the fridge. Eureka! I would have never imagined I would want something to come straight out of the refrigerator and onto my nipples, but they were my best friends.
That's all folks, stayed tuned for our 6 month favorites!
Peace. Love. Nose Frida. Why haven't you ordered one yet??
Our "lifesavers" in no particular order
Our first necessity was the swaddleme (bottom left) I used these every night until Georgia was able to roll back-to-belly. They kept her cozy and secure, are reminiscent of that tight feeling babies have in the womb, and kept her from startling herself awake. We had a really good run of great sleep and these things get a lot of credit!
Steven Tyler PJs, Steven Tyler PJs
25 bonus points to anyone who gets that movie reference.
Next, the Fisher Price Rock & Play (top right) I cannot adequately express with words how much we loved this cradle like contraption. Georgia slept so well in it and it kept her at an incline which is recommended for babies with reflux, and it is super portable. I had heard quite a few other mom's singing it's praises and it really lived up to the hype. If you have a baby at your house, you need one of these things! G hung out in it while I showered, cooked, put on make up, and so many other things. There was some type of recall or something, but it was to the effect of if the Rock & Play gets wet and isn't properly dried, it will mold. But so will bottles, shower curtains, rubber duckies, etc. So don't let it get moldy and you're good.
All hail the Rock & Play!
One last sleep aid I swear by, a white noise machine. (not pictured) I think I have become just as dependent on the noise machine as Georgia has. It is very soothing and was something I used to establish a familiar sleep setting for Georgia. Hear white noise: get relaxed and sleepy. You can see a little battery operated one in the bottom of the picture above, but we were also gifted one that plugs into the wall and we enjoy it every night!
Done with all our sleep products and on to the booger products. Georgia was a winter baby, and we had some congestion from time to time. Babies can't blow their nose. So I took the momma duty of keeping her nasal passages clear very seriously. Little Noses saline drops were my first line defense. (top left) They soften those boogers so they can be sneezed or sucked out. I used them about 1 minute prior to using the love of my life.....
Drum roll please...THE NOSE FRIDA SNOT SUCKER. (top center) Stop reading right now and order one from amazon. I'm not kidding, your new mommmy sanity depends on it. This is the grossest thing you will ever love. And not to answer the million dollar question: Does snot go in your mouth? Hell no. Not even close. Pretty much impossible. This sucker kicks any other nasal aspirator's butt. Goodbye bulb suction, hello Nose Frida. It doesn't even go into the babe's nostril, just up against the opening, you control the amount of suction with your mouth and it is the most effective booger remover/snot clearer on planet Earth. YOU NEED ONE! If you are still skeptical read the amazon reviews of a million other moms singing the Nose Frida praises. Don't tell my husband, but I'm having an emotional affair with my snot sucker.
Johnson & Johnson Vapor bath. (bottom right) Another winter baby must have. Smells like a form of baby safe Vick's. Soothing for a little congested bambina. Not much else to say but that it is really handy to have!And last but not least, Lasinoh Soothies Gel Pads. (bottom center) Sweet, sweet nipple salvation! I can't tell you how many people I have recommended these things to. They are so perfect for nipple discomfort that new onset breastfeeding brings. Get a few sets, keep some in the fridge. Eureka! I would have never imagined I would want something to come straight out of the refrigerator and onto my nipples, but they were my best friends.
That's all folks, stayed tuned for our 6 month favorites!
Peace. Love. Nose Frida. Why haven't you ordered one yet??
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
If you walk a baby around the house...
They will grow up to be just like you. This is a time honored family tradition from my mother's side of the family, the Glasgow clan of McDougal. It works too, and the Glasgows know it. When I was brought home from the hospital, days old, my aunt was waiting on our front porch to ensure she would be the first to carry me around the outside of the house. This terrified my dad. He grabbed my carseat and ran around our home with me while my aunt shouted profanities at him. Am I like him? Yep. Couch potato, TV addict, thick horrible eyebrows. My dad has a lot of passion, if he loves something he loves it 150% with his whole heart. Me too. He loves the Cardinals and I love Elvis.
If you are at a Glasgow family gathering and someone asks if your baby has been walked around the house yet, watch out. If you say no the baby is fought over and most likely whoever is holding the baby at the time will dart out the door and make a lap with the babe.
Pretty serious stuff. I can name a few testaments to support our claim of the walk-the-baby-around-the-house voodoo. I can remember clear as day, I was in junior high and my cousin Bentley was debuting his new little girl at a family gathering. Then the question was asked: who will walk her around the house? Of course there was no shortage of volunteers. Bentley was scanning the crowd with his eyes, then he said "Let Courtney do it" WHAT?!?! My little junior high soul knew it was a big deal. I went outside with her and my mom stayed close to make sure I didn't drop Abbi. I was proclaiming that she would be a talker, love to sing, and she would be a cheerleader too. It all came true. She can memorize any movie soundtrack just like me. Big personaity in a little girl, always make you laugh, talk your leg off, sweet Abbi!
If you are at a Glasgow family gathering and someone asks if your baby has been walked around the house yet, watch out. If you say no the baby is fought over and most likely whoever is holding the baby at the time will dart out the door and make a lap with the babe.
Pretty serious stuff. I can name a few testaments to support our claim of the walk-the-baby-around-the-house voodoo. I can remember clear as day, I was in junior high and my cousin Bentley was debuting his new little girl at a family gathering. Then the question was asked: who will walk her around the house? Of course there was no shortage of volunteers. Bentley was scanning the crowd with his eyes, then he said "Let Courtney do it" WHAT?!?! My little junior high soul knew it was a big deal. I went outside with her and my mom stayed close to make sure I didn't drop Abbi. I was proclaiming that she would be a talker, love to sing, and she would be a cheerleader too. It all came true. She can memorize any movie soundtrack just like me. Big personaity in a little girl, always make you laugh, talk your leg off, sweet Abbi!
Good choice, Ben!
My aunt Kay is infamous for being brutal about walking babies around the house. She walks your little darling around the house and you will catch that toddler fishing cigarette butts out of the ash tray pretending to smoke, and asking for a drink of beer on the river. That is what happened to her grandaugter Allison. Her poor daddy. :)
The list could go on and on. One walker/walkee both married one of their husbands twice, and lived in the same house with the twice over husband years apart. Both young mothers to two boys. Coincidence? I think not!
Who walked my angel Georgia? My Aunt Diane. The sweetest lady I know. You wouldn't be able to find a person on this side of the Missisippi would could say a bad word about her. She's a lot like Josh. I knew for years that I wanted Aunt Diane to walk my first born. But I had to dodge that sneaky Aunt Kay! The day I was induced, Diane was in Fayetteville with her daughter, Charrae helping her move. I sent Charrae a warning text that she better send her mom home to walk Georgia around the house because if Kay beat her to it I was holding Charrae responsible! Diane met me at my house minutes after we arrived home from the hospital with Georgia.
My aunt Diane and Georgia Love the day they took their trip around the house, wearing coordinating black and white animal print outfits. The clothes were unplanned, they are just a couple of kindred walking around the house souls.
When Georgia was refusing a bottle with all her might I asked "Why is she so stubborn?" To which my grandma replied "Oh Diane is the stubbornest kid I got!" Nobody warned me of that! But that is okay, because Georgia will also be the most generous, selfless, do-good-for-others-and-ask-nothing-in-return, crafty, loving woman. Just like our Diane! We will take a little stubborn if that comes with the package.
Even if you aren't a Glasgow and haven't been practicing these tradition for years back, it will still stop your heart when you are asked to walk a new life around the house. This is Brenda and her great neice Pyper. Her neice and sister are part of the Glasgow tribe asked Brenda to do the honors. She didn't even fully understand the tradition, but she is moved to tears and prays for little Pyper's life while lapping the house. Gives me chills, and it should you too :)
The tradition has grown over the years to be practiced by family friends as well. Once you understand the magic, you will want in on it too. If you are ever asked to walk a precious bundle around the house, don't take it lightly.
Peace.Love.Glasgows.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Easy DIY Silhouette tutorial
This morning I posted a picture of Georgia on instagram and one of my sweet friends suggested it would make a great silhouette. So it got me in the crafting mood and a couple of hours and one naptime later, I have a sweet little silhouette hanging in my dining room.
Finished product
First I took a new picture of Georgia, as you couldn't see her nose profile in the original instagram photo.
It was somewhat tricky getting her to NOT look at the camera. My trick: lay on my side beside her, hold a baby rattle between my toes and shake it out in front of her. Such a glamorous method.
Print photo in B&W, then trace outline of sweet baby's face with a pencil so that it is easier to cut.
I held it up against a window to see the outline of her face easier while I was tracing.
Take your time and cut slowly. I decided to cut off her bow she was wearing, you couldn't make out what it was in silhouette form, made her look like she had a growth.
Scotch tape to a piece of cardstock or scrapbook paper. Be sure to tape with reverse side up. I traced around the image with a permanent sharpie pen.
The outline is a little hard to see, but its there! Cut out again, carefully and slowly. This side will be the back of the finished product so that any visible marker lines are hidden.
I used some fabric I had in my stash (leftover from baby shower table runners) and put it inside an embroidery hoop I had on hand. You can buy these for a couple of dollars at WalMart or Hobby Lobby. Then turned my cut out silhouette right side up and again and scotch taped it to the fabric. I wanted to make sure I was happy with it before I attach it permanently, which I will do with a few dabs of hot glue.
Added a bow to Georgia's head, because it's kinda her trademark you never really see her with out one :) Hung it up and ta-da! Cost was free since I had all my supplies on hand.
Peace.Love.Silhouette.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Losing baby weight, the lazy girl way
Today I reached a milestone. I am officially baby weight free. Something I wasn't sure would happen. I've never been a great exerciser and I love to eat. I set a goal to be back to my old weight in 7 months. This was a personal goal, I wasn't going to beat myself up if it didn't happen. I was reassuring myself with the motto "9 months on, 9 months off" I knew it wasn't realistic for me to be back to my old weight in 3 weeks. Just wasn't going to happen for this girl.
This is me the week I found out I was pregnant (3 weeks along) and 35 weeks later at 38 weeks pregnant.
First I would like to tell you how I gained 54 cute little pounds. I snacked a lot while pregnant, on Debbie Cakes mainly. I never had morning sickness but I was always hungry. Always. I would eat everything on my plate, plus seconds, plus whatever Josh didn't eat of his meal and look at him and say "I'm still hungry." Spent many a lunch at the Japanese restaurant, and drank a million gallons of chocolate milk. Often I would wake up in the middle of the night and feel like I hadn't seen food in weeks, and would fulfill my hunger with not so healthy foods. I did indulge more than I should have. Can't say I regret it, I had a great pregnancy. I also can't say I would do it the same way the next time around though. Once Josh gently encouraged me to eat more fruit. I bought an over ripe watermelon, sour grapes, and oranges with mold on them in the span of a week. Bad luck. I called Josh and said "Have you ever ate a rotten Debbie Cake?!?" Of course not, junk food it was then.
After I gave birth my appetite didn't disappear. Every time Georgia and I woke up to nurse, I still needed a snack. But I replaced my snack with cheese and crackers or granola bars. If the junk food isn't in my house, then I can't eat it. So we stopped buying it and it sucked pretty bad at first, but we have adjusted! I also gave myself a free pass to eat 2 foods anytime I wanted a snack: salad or oatmeal. Oatmeal because it is supposed to be a lactogenic food (helps with milk supply) and I didn't add butter, but I really wanted too.
About 1/2 there!
Once I was "back on my feet" per say, I lost/fought off the urge to snack all the time. I started by no more snacks at night. Then during the day I can have 2 snacks, one between breakfast and lunch and another between lunch and dinner. I like to snack on granola bars (100 calories or less), pistachios, pretzels and peanut butter, cheese and crackers, or a small bowl of cereal.
Meals are harder to control when Josh is home. I love to put comfort food in his belly, so I cook a lot for us. I TRY, key word try, not to have seconds. I rarely shed any lbs when he is home. But I try my hardest not to gain. When he is back at work again it is easier. I strive to eat a lean cuisine or weight watchers frozen dinner for either lunch or dinner. Most of the time I eat turkey or PB&J sandwiches with pretzels or pistachios (no chips!), cereal, chicken salad, tuna salad, egg sandwich on an English muffin. I don't count calories. I keep it simple: don't pig out and don't eat junk.
I bid farewell to my precious, precious chocolate milk. No more yoo-hoos or root beer either. Water, water, water. I keep juice in the fridge at all times and have it sometimes with a snack. But not with every meal. Probably one small glass of juice a day, one Starbucks Frappuccino for breakfast, and the rest of the time only water. I splurge from time to time with iced caramel frappe from Mcdonald's, no whip cream and non-fat milk. I get my sweet tea fix from taking a sip of Josh's when we eat out. ONE SIP. Now that's not easy.
I wish I could say exercise played a role in my weight loss, but it really didn't. When it warmed up before the mosquitoes got bad here, I tried to walk at the park a few times. I'm making excuses here but it was hard to actually get any walking in. When you live in this small town, more socializing was done than calorie burning. I had to stop and chit chat a lot with people who hadn't met Georgia yet, other people would see me walking as they were driving by would pull over, and I would spend the next 30 minutes on a park bench visiting and not moving. Not a total loss though, those times were the first outings I had alone with Georgia. It felt great to get out of the house, big accomplishment!
Breastfeeding. Probably my "secret weapon" Nursing burns 200-500 calories a day all the while giving you baby the cream of the crop in nourishment. Win win situation if you ask me.
I weighed myself everyday, but didn't beat myself up about the numbers on the scale. It's just how I tracked my progress. And if I ate too crappy the numbers showed it, and motivated me to get back on track.
Will you see me in a bikini? Nope, probably never again. The weight is gone, but prebaby body is long gone too. I'm not perfect, but that's okay. I would weigh 1000 pounds for the rest of my life it meant I got to experience pregnancy and have my sweet Georgia. I really have to credit my angel of a husband for always telling me I'm beautiful and really making me feel it. I never felt pressure to look better for him, any confidence I have is because he builds me up and treats me exactly the same everyday no matter what the scale says. I value this tremendously because I don't want Georgia to hear me criticize my own body over and over. She will learn from me. So I love my body because it gave me Georgia.
The day I gave birth (cringe) And 6 months postpartum.
Happiest girls are the prettiest girls.
I have big dreams to become one of those people who love to work out. That's really a far stretch for me, but can't never could. Maybe someday I'll be blogging about my first 5k. You never know!
Peace.Love.Debbie Cakes. I really miss them.
Update! Georgia is 3 now. I've ran a half marathon, I'm a hot yoga instructor, and I love advocare! All of this from simply staying motivated and starting small. Kicking one habit at a time. Here are my personal results for the the advocare 24 day challenge. It enhanced my work out results and toned me up!
I actually exercised less on the challenge, and didn't run at all. Abs really are made in the kitchen! Check out the products. The 24 day challenge or ordering some spark is a great way to start! I had a sugary Starbucks frapp every single day for three years until I discovered spark. I quit Starbucks cold turkey and never even suffered!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Hey there, me again!
Georgia is 6, almost 7, months old. What?!? Seriously, I can't wrap my brain around the fact that I'm not still pregnant. SO much has happened during her little life. I have decided to blog first about one of the most significant. Her refusal to drink from a bottle.
When I was pregnant I prayed and prayed that Georgia would be a good breastfeeder. Prayed hard. I worried about things that may interfere with her nursing, read anything I could get my hands on, and questioned all my certified lactation consultant friends at work. I have always hated to hear "I couldn't breastfeed" I didn't want that to be us. But what I found is usually the reason people "can't breastfeed" is lack of education about what problems can occur and how to fix them.
When I was told I would need to be induced because of hypertension, I instantly got scared Georgia might not be a strong feeder. I sent out a mass text and asked for prayers. Georgia was born strong and healthy and we both figured out the breastfeeding thing pretty well if I do say so myself. Go us!
Then the time for my maternity leave to be over got closer and closer. I started pumping twice a day to build up a "milk stash" that Josh could feed her while I worked. We gave her a bottle for the first time, she hated it, but she drank 2 ounces. After that every other time we gave her a bottle she seemed to get a little better at it, more comfortable with it. Josh was ready for me to go to work and be super dad!
And then...when she was around 9 weeks old she quit taking a binky. No more interest in it. I tried to get her to hang on to the binky habit because studies show it reduces the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and my new mom motto was "Safety first!" But G just wasn't having the binky anymore and I thought ok whatever one less thing to break her from later. But about 2 weeks after I gave up the good fight with the binky, at 11 weeks old, she started refusing a bottle. HUH? I was always worried she would prefer a bottle to breastfeeding, causing my milk supply to decrease and dry up before I was ready for it to. Never did I ever think it would happen the other way around. We started buying EVERY SINGLE bottle EVER manufactured on God's green earth. Nothing. It quickly turned into torture in Georgia's book if you tried the bottle. Oh and the advice you get... "Break her will" "If she gets hungry enough she will take it" NOT TRUE. We googled every piece of advice we could, tried every trick and it seemed hopeless.
My first night back to work I left and cried the whole way there, my baby probably wouldn't eat while I was gone. I was right. A few hours into my shift Josh and Georgia had to come to the hospital and camp out so I could nurse her in between taking care of my patients and charting. Talk about multitasking. A few hours of this and Georgia fell asleep and Josh headed home with her, a 30 minute drive. At this time in Georgia's life she was sleeping through the night so we hoped she would sleep until I got home.
She didn't.
I called Josh to check on them around 5 o'clock that morning and she was screaming so we really couldn't talk. I got home about 3 hours later to a devastated baby and heartbroken husband. Georgia would scream with hunger, suck on Josh's arm, his shirt, anything but still refused to drink from a bottle. Sounds fun? Those people who told us to wait it out to break her will....I say this as nice as possible: Screw you. Who wants to go through that? If you can handle it well good for you Almira Gulch, we aren't down with that.
When I was pregnant I prayed and prayed that Georgia would be a good breastfeeder. Prayed hard. I worried about things that may interfere with her nursing, read anything I could get my hands on, and questioned all my certified lactation consultant friends at work. I have always hated to hear "I couldn't breastfeed" I didn't want that to be us. But what I found is usually the reason people "can't breastfeed" is lack of education about what problems can occur and how to fix them.
When I was told I would need to be induced because of hypertension, I instantly got scared Georgia might not be a strong feeder. I sent out a mass text and asked for prayers. Georgia was born strong and healthy and we both figured out the breastfeeding thing pretty well if I do say so myself. Go us!
Then the time for my maternity leave to be over got closer and closer. I started pumping twice a day to build up a "milk stash" that Josh could feed her while I worked. We gave her a bottle for the first time, she hated it, but she drank 2 ounces. After that every other time we gave her a bottle she seemed to get a little better at it, more comfortable with it. Josh was ready for me to go to work and be super dad!
And then...when she was around 9 weeks old she quit taking a binky. No more interest in it. I tried to get her to hang on to the binky habit because studies show it reduces the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and my new mom motto was "Safety first!" But G just wasn't having the binky anymore and I thought ok whatever one less thing to break her from later. But about 2 weeks after I gave up the good fight with the binky, at 11 weeks old, she started refusing a bottle. HUH? I was always worried she would prefer a bottle to breastfeeding, causing my milk supply to decrease and dry up before I was ready for it to. Never did I ever think it would happen the other way around. We started buying EVERY SINGLE bottle EVER manufactured on God's green earth. Nothing. It quickly turned into torture in Georgia's book if you tried the bottle. Oh and the advice you get... "Break her will" "If she gets hungry enough she will take it" NOT TRUE. We googled every piece of advice we could, tried every trick and it seemed hopeless.
My first night back to work I left and cried the whole way there, my baby probably wouldn't eat while I was gone. I was right. A few hours into my shift Josh and Georgia had to come to the hospital and camp out so I could nurse her in between taking care of my patients and charting. Talk about multitasking. A few hours of this and Georgia fell asleep and Josh headed home with her, a 30 minute drive. At this time in Georgia's life she was sleeping through the night so we hoped she would sleep until I got home.
She didn't.
I called Josh to check on them around 5 o'clock that morning and she was screaming so we really couldn't talk. I got home about 3 hours later to a devastated baby and heartbroken husband. Georgia would scream with hunger, suck on Josh's arm, his shirt, anything but still refused to drink from a bottle. Sounds fun? Those people who told us to wait it out to break her will....I say this as nice as possible: Screw you. Who wants to go through that? If you can handle it well good for you Almira Gulch, we aren't down with that.
Now in this horrible experience I did hear from a few women, probably 4 or 5, that had gone through the same thing. You know what they told me? They were never successful in the bottle battle either. Babies like Georgia are called "Boobie Monsters" Once in the middle of the night I forced my tired new mom eyes to stay open to read an article about this particular problem with tips for overcoming it. The article ended with the author saying none of the tips ever worked for her, but good luck anyway. Really?!?
Now when Josh went back to work, I did keep trying. I used one of the most logical methods I had found. When G got hungry offer her the bottle, when she got hysterical, I would stop and console her. When she was calm and rooting around again, offer the bottle again, repeat. It ended with Georgia as a very angry fussy Boobie Monster and I had boobs so full and hard I am sure they would've qualified as shot puts. You think I had time to pump? Heck no the Boobie Monster wouldn't be put down at a time of such anguish.
In the end, I worked one more shift at my beloved Women's Center job. Josh and Georgia just went to work with me that night. Good thing nobody needed CPR while I was breastfeeding. Now I am a stay at home mom, we have said eff you to all bottles and we are doing pretty good. I can't go anywhere without Georgia and we like it that way.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Peace.Love.Boobie Monster.
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